• The Lover Team

Going Down on a Penis

Updated: Jun 11

Penises are not exactly known for their nuance. Where vulvas are sometimes (inaccurately) considered to be total puzzles, revealing their hidden mysteries to only a few, penises are (also inaccurately) considered to be extremely straightforward. This means that whether you call it a blowjob, going down, or anything else, oral sex with a penis can often be mechanical.


So, how do you get good at blow jobs? Exploration, tuning in to your partner, and enthusiasm. Here’s how to make it hotter for everyone.



How to Prepare for Oral Sex


Any type of oral sex will be more successful if everyone is mentally and physically relaxed. A safe environment, clean towel, and extra pillows for positioning are a good place to start. So are safer sex barriers and compatible lube and sex toys, particularly if you might have another type of sex afterwards.


Explore the Erogenous Zones


Good oral sex involves the whole body, not just the genitals. It can be tempting to dive right for them, but spend some time making out and warming up instead. Everyone experiences either responsive or spontaneous desire, or a mix of the two. That means that, regardless of gender, you and your partner can benefit from physical stimulation to increase interest in sex.


Explore alternative arousal areas. What is it like to involve more of your partner’s body? Run your hands up their thighs or stroke their stomach. Lightly touch the perineum. What touches, pressures, or motions does your partner respond best to?


Get into Position

The receiving partner seated with the giving partner kneeling between their legs is a blow job classic for a reason. In that position, the receiving partner has the chance to relax and get present, as well as enjoy a visual component, while the giving partner can easily reach both their partner’s body and their own. Something soft under the giving partner’s knees can make the experience more enjoyable and help them to relax.


Going Down

Speaking of soft, you can start your blow job at any point in the lifecycle of the erection. Pay attention to all of your partner’s arousal signs, not just their blood flow. A soft penis doesn’t mean your partner isn’t into you or what you’re doing together. Even though they’re not the default of how many of us think about penises, a soft penis can still experience pleasure — and it’s always a good idea to rewire your assumption that sex can only happen once it’s hard. If you’re going down on a soft penis, just be gentle.


Soft or hard, here are a few suggestions to start: Try long licks up the shaft, kissing using only your lips, or circling around the head with your tongue. Use your mouth on the testicles. Some people enjoy gentle sucking and tugging with your lips, while others find this much too intense. Take it slow until you and your partner learn their preferences.


You can also move down to the perineum between the testicles and anus. Gently massage it and see how your partner reacts. If you can’t tell, do a verbal check-in. It’s okay to tease and to take breaks while you check-in.


Finally, use your hands. Using lubed hands on the lower part of the shaft can let you focus on the tip with your lips and tongue, and can help you control the depth of penetration. You can also explore your partner’s testicles. Anal penetration is another option, and a lubed finger or two can be pleasurable for both of you (just make sure to talk about it in advance).


Oral isn’t just about the person receiving stimulation, it’s also about the person giving it. Using one hand or a sex toy on yourself while you use your mouth and other hand on your partner can heighten the experience for both of you.


For the full Lover blow job guide, download the Lover app, and check out Going Down On Him. (Ed note: We know that not everyone with a penis uses he/him.)

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