• The Lover Team

Eight Steps To Drive Up Sexual Desire

Updated: Jun 12



1. Don’t Wait Until You Want Sex


The "out of nowhere" spontaneous desire for sex goes down over time. So, if you are in a long-term romantic relationship, you’re single, or in a brand-new relationship - don’t wait to engage in erotic play until you feel spontaneous desire. Be proactive about it!

Many people only desire sex after they become sexually aroused. We call this responsive desire and it is just as valid and fun (and to be honest more common) as spontaneous sexual desire.


2. Schedule Time For Sex


Wondering how to increase interest in sex? It may not sound sexy – but schedule time to be sexual, either alone or with a partner. This will help ensure your sex drive stays a priority. Over time it will have you looking forward to and getting excited by your scheduled sexy time.


3. Use Erotica


This one is simple. Use Erotica. That’s written, visual or audible stories that are sexy or exciting.


It's such a great way to help you prime your desire pump. Engaging with yourself sexually gets your desire cycle turning again, as pleasurable sexual experiences make you want to experience more and more!


For women, there isn't a rule on how much is too much. But for men over the age of 25, you might consider limiting yourself to masturbating once every 48 - 72 hours, to ensure your erections aren't impacted.


4. Reflecting On Pleasure


Communication is key in all types of relationships. Spend some time reflecting on why experiencing more pleasure, or being better in bed, is important to you.


This is going to help you prioritize your sexual wellness. And when you prioritize your sexual wellness, you prioritize sex - which as we described in point 3, will lead to an increase in desire!


5. Don’t Beat Yourself Up


Don’t beat yourself up if your commitment to engaging and/or enriching your erotic mind falls off your radar from time to time. We live busy lives and for each one of us, sex occasionally drops off our radar.


The important thing is to recognize when this happens and re-commit to this important part of your wellness.


6. Get Curious And Explore


To improve your sex drive, find out what turns you on and what turns you off. Many people have a relatively narrow view of what can turn them on. Yet there is an enormous landscape of choice out there.


The wider the variety of things you can find which get you going, the more enjoyable sex is likely to be for you and your partner.


7. Drop Into Your Body


If you’re curious as to how to put love back into a relationship, as well as sexual desire, invest time in your needs. Use your five senses to help heighten the sensual and reduce distraction.


Practicing mindfulness on a regular basis can help strengthen the mental muscles required to do this. But if you’re struggling in the moment - try focusing on the sensation of; temperature, touch and pressure to help you drop into your body.


For a full guide and exercises which train your mind and body to do this, check out our Driving Up Desire course on the Lover app today.


8. Exercise Is Important


Finally, it may not be the first time you’ve heard it, but exercise is a proven way to drive up your sex drive. One study showed that 20 minutes after exercise, participants reported more interest in sex.

So there you have it, eight simple steps to prime your pump and get back in touch with your sexual self. Remember though, these are only our general tips. For a personalized course to help you drive up your desire, download the Lover app today and start your sexual journey!

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