• The Lover Team

How to Drive Up Sexual Desire in 8 Steps

Updated: Jun 17



1. Don’t Wait Until You Want Sex


The "out of nowhere" spontaneous desire for sex naturally dwindles over time, but sometimes you have to start the fire to feel some heat. Whether you're in a long-term romantic relationship, single, or in a brand-new relationship, don’t wait to engage in erotic play until you feel spontaneous desire. Be proactive about it!

Many people only want sex after they become sexually aroused. This is known as responsive desire, and it's just as valid and fun (and more common, honestly) as spontaneous sexual desire.


2. Schedule Time For Sex


Wondering how to increase your interest in sex? It may not sound sexy, scheduling some sexy time alone or with a partner can help to ensure that your sex drive stays a priority. Instead of thinking about it like another "to-do" on your list, think about it as a part of your day to get excited about. A pleasure appointment is something to look forward to, and is a simple way to keep up your practice of self-care.


3. Use Erotica


This one's simple. Get into some written, visual or audible stories that are sexy or exciting.


Erotica can help you prime your desire pump. Engaging with yourself sexually gets your desire cycle turning again, as pleasurable sexual experiences make you want to experience more and more!


If you have a vagina, there isn't a rule on how much is too much. For anyone with a penis over the age of 25, you might want to consider limiting yourself to masturbating once every 48 to 72 hours. This can help to ensure your erections aren't impacted.


4. Reflecting On Pleasure


Communication is key in all types of relationships. Spend some time reflecting on pleasure and its importance to you. What is your personal motivation for experiencing more pleasure or being better in bed?


This is going to help you prioritize your sexual wellness. When you prioritize your sexual wellness, you prioritize sex, which keeps up your levels of desire.

5. Don’t Beat Yourself Up


Your commitment to engaging and/or enriching your erotic mind can fall off your radar from time to time. If this happens, don't be hard on yourself! Life gets busy, things happen, and for all of us, sex occasionally drops off our radar.


The important thing is to recognize when this happens and re-commit to this important part of your wellness.


6. Get Curious and Explore


To improve your sex drive, dig deeper into what turns you on and what turns you off. Many people have a relatively narrow view of their turn-ons, but there's an enormous landscape of choice out there.


By expanding the list of things that get you hot and bothered, you're more likely than you were before to have enjoyable sex with your partner.


7. Drop Into Your Body


If you’re wondering how to put love back into a relationship as well as sexual desire, invest time in your needs. Use your five senses to help heighten the sensual and reduce distraction.


Practicing mindfulness on a regular basis can help strengthen the mental muscles required to do this. If you’re struggling in the moment, try focusing on the sensations of temperature, touch and pressure to help you drop into your body.


You can train your mind and body to do this through specific exercises we designed in our Driving Up Desire course. Our app has everything you need to get started!


8. Exercise Is Important


It's true: exercise really is a proven way to drive up your sex drive. In fact, studies have shown that 20 minutes after exercise, participants reported more interest in sex.


Staying active is also proven to help with erectile dysfunction as it helps stave off some of those erection killer diseases like obesity and hypertension*.

So there you have it, eight simple steps to prime your pump and get back in touch with your sexual self. Remember, these are only our general tips. For a personalized course to help you drive up your desire, download the Lover app today and start your sexual journey!



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