• The Lover Team

Getting Off To Your Sexual Fantasies

Updated: Dec 10, 2020

This article has been adapted from the original article 'A guide to getting off to your own sexual fantasies and imagination', by Jess Joho, at Mashable.

They say the biggest sexual organ is the brain. Because if you’re not mentally receptive to sexual activity, it’s unlikely you will be able to achieve orgasm or have an enjoyable experience. Seems pretty obvious, right?

This is why sexual fantasies can have such a palpable effect on our sexual experience, whether we're having solo or partnered sex.

"Engaging your imagination rather than relying on visual porn for example helps to build, enhance and strengthen your erotic mind," said Dr. Britney Blair, Lover co-founder and Chief Science Officer. "You can bring that imagination to life when you want to prime the pump on your desire or push yourself over the edge to climax while solo or with a partner."

So, here are some tips that can take your sexual fantasies to the next level:

Set the right environment 

Creating the right environment that is free from distractions and stress is one of the best ways to allow your body to fully shut-off

That means finding a room - most commonly, the bedroom - that is private. If you want some added privacy and comfort, switch off your phone, lock the door, or pop some music on. 

Dr. Britney Blair recommends purposefully scheduling time to engage with fantasy and making it habitual. That means making it something you can add to your bedtime routine: Brush your teeth, do the skincare routine, put on some pajamas, then let your mind wander as you touch yourself... 

Create a safe space in your mind 

First things first, "it’s important to know if that is coming up for you, you’re not alone. But there is no such thing as a wrong or right fantasy," said Blair.  

Treat your imagination as a judgment-free zone. If you find shame or judgment coming up - be mindful of it, and try to redirect your thoughts elsewhere.

Blair suggests that, while exploring sexual fantasies in your mind, try to distinguish between when you're having a reaction versus a judgment to a certain scenario. Judgments often come from values imposed on you by something or someone else. Whereas visceral reactions can be an indication that your mind wants to explore it further...especially if it's something you never thought you'd be into.

By assessing where that thought is coming from, you might find that reaction is just because it's something you haven't yet explored.

"Everything is okay in the world of fantasy. No fantasy is a crime," said Blair. "Whatever turns you on in your mind is totally healthy. Your fantasy doesn’t say anything about you except that you are lucky to have a rich imagination that you can use to have an exciting and enduring erotic life."   

Familiarize yourself, but don’t feel limited to, common sexual fantasies

If you don’t know where to start with sexual fantasizing - start with the most common ones. There are a whole host of different categories to engage with. Within each category, you may find a hundred different sexy scenarios that will give you a rich fantasy life.

Dr. Blair suggests thinking around the categories of multi-partner sex (group sex or threesomes); power, control, or rough sex; novelty, adventure, and variety; taboo and forbidden sex; partner sharing and non-monogamous relationships; passion and romance; and erotic flexibility like homoeroticism or gender-bending.

Find some content to aid you!

If you’re finding it difficult to get going, it’s often easiest to find content that can get you going. Think porn, audio erotica, maybe even past memories! Just give your mind permission to wander off. This way, you'll be building up an extensive road map of exciting ways to increase your pleasure (in both solo and partnered sex).

Download the Lover app today for expert guidance and content designed to get you better in bed.


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