top of page

Going Down on a Vulva

Editor's note: This is an abridged version of the full guide, which is available in the Lover app

Oral sex can be a bit intimating if you feel inexperienced or you are unsure what your partner likes. This blog will give you the tools and tricks to start giving good head to your partner and how to indulge them with intimate pleasure while communicating their needs.

Just like every other part of sex, it’s best when the focus is on experiencing pleasure with your partner in the moment. Whereas, having goal-orientated sex only focusing on someone having an orgasm or completing a checklist of sex acts leading to penis-in-vagina penetration can be daunting, dissatisfying, and feel mechanical.

Let’s ditch the script of goals and other things and focus on what really brings you and your partner pleasure uniquely. Oral sex is incredibly physically and emotionally intimate, especially in romantic relationships. Showing emotional intimacy with your partner can make them feel soothed before you begin cunnilingus.

You might be here wondering; how do I get good at oral? There’s no secret technique, signature move, or pattern of tongue and hand movements that, once mastered, will blow any partner’s mind every single time. Instead, it’s a combination of time, communication, paying attention, and responding. Let’s get started.

How to Prepare for Oral Sex

The best sexual experiences happen when everyone involved is relaxed and mentally and physically present. This means centering yourself in the moment and putting aside anxious thoughts, to-do lists for the day or the next day, and trying to keep intrusive questions quiet.

This can be very challenging since most of us usually have a constant mental clock telling us to move on to something, be productive, or just distract ourselves with random things. You can help focus your mind by setting the scene and scheduling this moment.

To prepare physically for this time, make sure the room is at a comfortable temperature, with comfortable surrounds, dry towels, moist towelettes, cleaned and charged sex toys, and safe sex barriers nearby.