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How Can I Feel Less Nervous For Online Sex? | Ask Dr. Blair

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Q: "My sexting buddy wants to do live video and I do too but I’m super nervous as we usually stick to text, sending pictures and video messages. It’s not a serious relationship so I don’t want to get too into it with them. I’ve never had video sex (or in-person sex, maybe good to note) so I think I just don’t have a point of reference and I like to be prepared. When it’s not live, I have a second to react and then respond.

What are some things that might make me feel less nervous or that I can ask them to do to help me feel less nervous? Should I tell them I’m nervous? How can I do that in a sexy way?"

Dr. Blair's Answer

Great question! Firstly, you're not alone. I think everyone can feel bit nervous before their first sexual encounter, or even nervous when with a new partner-- regardless of their how much experience they've had previously.

Letting your Lover know that you are both excited and nervous can help to reduce the anxiety, and may cue your brain that you're also excited (which can feel similar to anxiety).

If this feels too intimidating to let them know on video, you can tell them via text. Sometimes just naming the "elephant" in the room can help. If you can ask your Lover to text or share a fantasy prior to your video date, this may also give you a sense of what they're interested in seeing or doing on video. Think about what you may want to see or do, and let them know this is what you're looking forward to.

When the time comes, do not do anything that feels unsafe for you. Start by talking to your Lover and consider sharing with them how you're feeling in the moment. This may help you feel connected, which can reduce the intensity of the butterflies in your stomach!


If you have a question about sex and relationships, head over to the Community section on the Lover app to submit your question to Dr. Blair.


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