• The Lover Team

Coreplay. Not Foreplay!

Updated: Jun 30



Have you ever wondered why we call it foreplay? As if foreplay is the appetizer and intercourse is the main course? It doesn’t seem quite reflective of its role, especially when most women orgasm from activities other than intercourse.

If you’re wondering how to bring passion back into a relationship then it’s time to look at foreplay, or ‘coreplay’, as I prefer to call it. After all, it should take the starring role.


The Early Throes of Passion


Do you remember in the early stages of your relationship how you would spend hours thinking about your partner before a date? Maybe you would wear something special or send a sexy text.

Erotic foreplay in your head, and maybe with your partner, would begin in the morning, not five minutes before intercourse. And then, when you finally connected with your partner, do you remember making out, rolling around with your clothes on, caressing one another, sometimes for hours?

For whatever reason, this exciting sexual desire, part of erotic ‘beforeplay’ gets lost for many couples and the consequences are significant.


Why does foreplay matter?


Did you know, only 15% of women regularly orgasm during intercourse in the absence of clitoral stimulation? In fact, the average woman needs around 20 minutes of direct clitoral stimulation to climax!

But ironically, intercourse is the primary way in which most men reach climax.

This discrepancy results in what has been termed ‘The Pleasure Gap’*, or orgasm gap, and has an impact on many women’s sexual desire and pleasure in bed across every demographic.



So, it’s not that women inherently want less sex - it’s just that oftentimes they don’t want the sex they’re having. So, we invite you to slow down, savor and enjoy ‘coreplay’ not foreplay, and don’t rush straight into intercourse. After all, we know that ‘coreplay’ is one of the most pleasurable things to do to a woman.


Spend some time making out with your partner. Kissing is an art-form, practice on perfecting it! Explore the many erogenous zones on your body and theirs. You might even want to do a bit of dirty talk and see how your bodies react... And, foreplay or ‘coreplay’ doesn't have to start just before you have sex, it can start in the morning with that first sexy text sent to your lover.


Slowing down foreplay isn't just great for women, it also ensures both partners are adequately aroused before moving to sex. Naturally, as men get older it takes a little longer to gain an erection, and by slowing down foreplay you're giving the body time to get the blood pumping to where it's needed.


On top of that - you're both going to be sufficiently aroused, making you more relaxed, willing and excited. This way the big 'O' is going to be more likely for both partners (and probably more intense)!


Don’t Forget About Afterplay

So, what about dessert?

Have you heard about ‘afterplay’? Afterplay is also important, but no one’s really talking about it.

For many people, dessert or afterplay is their favorite course! And let’s not forget, good afterplay can get you excited for your next sexual encounter.

Try and resist the urge to jump out of bed, roll over and go to sleep, or pick up your phone. Spend some time after sex communicating, maybe something you loved about the experience or just cuddle in silence. Make this your relationship goal!

If you have engaged in a new sexual activity debriefing is especially important, checking in with your partner and checking in with yourself. Whether your sexual partner is male or female, most people report significant benefits from the increased intimacy that comes from some before and after canoodling.


Not only is foreplay and afterplay a great way to increase the quality of sex you're having, but it also ensures in the long-run both partners can stay emotionally and physically connected.

So - try it out and let us know what you think in the comments section below!


Has this helped how to put love back into a relationship, or perk up passion for each other?

Download the Lover app today for expert courses and guidance designed to help you have better sex.


For more information on 'The Pleasure Gap, see here. For tips on how to go down on your partner, see 'The Blowjob Guide' and 'Going Down On Her'.


*"The Pleasure Gap: American Women and the Unfinished Sexual Revolution", by Katherine Rowland.

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