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Ask Dr. Blair | How Do I Ask My Girlfriend to Try Anal, on Me?

"How do I ask for anal play without freaking her out?"

Let's get one thing out of the way: Anyone with an anus can have (and really enjoy!!) anal sex. So, that includes you! Don't be ashamed of your desire to explore this.

Many heterosexual men enjoy anal sex either with their partner using a strap-on, or another dildo or sex toy. In fact, many men report having an orgasm while experiencing anal stimulation is more intensely pleasurable. If you're worried about how your desire for this may be received by your girlfriend, know that many other heterosexual men are doing it as well! Regardless of who you're attracted to, or your gender, the anus has a massive concentration of nerves that feel really, really good to simulate.

To bring up the topic to your partner, Dr. Blair advises, "Consider finding a time outside of the bedroom when you’re not engaged in any erotic activity, and ask her to share her fantasies. Ask her if there’s anything that she would like that you haven’t tried."

Where you have this conversation can also impact the outcome. Dr. Blair says, "You may also want to have the conversation while you’re driving or on a walk so you’re not looking at each other. It’s easier to muster the courage when you’re not looking eye to eye! Once she’s had a chance to go first, that opens the door for you. Many people enjoy anal play and this could be a great addition to your sexual repertoire."


For more personalized advice to navigate your desires, communication with your partner, and specific sexual issues you may be having, book your coaching session with our experts in the Lover app.


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