How to Last Longer in Bed
Updated: Apr 14
If you have a penis and worry that you climax too quickly, you're not alone.
Approximately 30% of men believe they suffer from early or involuntary ejaculation at some point in their lives. Compared to the medical definition, however, just 3% actually suffer from this issue according to diagnostic criteria, which is regularly climaxing within 30 to 90 seconds.
Even if you don't fit the medical definition of early or involuntary ejaculation, there's nothing wrong with wanting to last longer in bed. After all, sex shouldn't always have to be a quick in-out.
According to our experts, there are techniques and practices that have been used by sexual therapists for decades to help millions who struggle with premature ejaculation.
The Stop-Start Technique
This technique is one of the most effective ways to increase the length of your sexual encounter.
Stop-start helps you to practice gaining control of your arousal, so that you don’t fall over the edge into orgasm before you're ready. The premise of the exercises is to masturbate (either alone or with a partner), right up until you're about to orgasm. Then, just before you fall over the edge into orgasm, you stop stimulation, take some deep breaths, and allow your arousal (and erection) to fall back down.
This exercise is safe to repeat a few times. You can always feel free to continue into orgasm as you wish, but the goal here is to repeat this a few times to gain maximum confidence in the practice.
With this technique, you're building awareness of the signals your body gives you as you lead up to orgasm. It will also show you that you can be in control of your body, so that you can confidently slow down and pull back when you need to.
The Squeeze Technique
The power is in your hands! Just as you feel yourself edging towards climax, pause, stop stimulation (whether it's masturbation or partnered sex) then squeeze the tip of your penis.
This should weaken your erection, and then you're free to start again. It's safe to practice this technique repeatedly, but make sure you don't squeeze too hard!
Similar to the stop-start exercises, deep breathing can be a great tool to calm the mind and refocus your attention away from ejaculation.
If you tend to get stuck in your head, and panic about ejaculating too soon, deep breathing will also help you to manage anxious thoughts.
This can never be said enough: Sex is more than just penetration!
In 2017, one study revealed that 95% of heterosexual men said they usually or always have an orgasm during sex. However, only 65% of heterosexual women said the same. Something here isn't adding up.
We call this discrepancy “The Pleasure Gap." If your partner has a vagina, it's more likely that they can climax from clitoral stimulation than penetration. You may just need to spend a little more time on foreplay (or "coreplay," as we like to call it). This will most likely give your partner the stimulation they need to orgasm and lengthen the time of your sexual encounter.
Work on Your Kegels
One study revealed that 82.5% of men who struggled with early or involuntary ejaculation were able to regain control of the ejaculatory reflex after 12 weeks of practicing kegels. This involves tightening your pelvic floor muscles and holding it periodically.
Kegels are for all anatomies. If you want to learn how to get started, our Kegel Gym exercise in the Lover app will guide you from start to finish.
Try New Positions
Do you have a favorite tried-and-tested position during sex? Why not switch it up? You might find that trying another position allows you to last longer than your usual go-to.
Focus on Your Partner’s Pleasure
Try diverting your attention away from the pleasure you’re experiencing, and focus on the pleasure your partner is experiencing. This might also help you to regain control of your own arousal, and your partner will find it super hot to have that extra attention!
Obesity, high blood pressure, and diabetes all contribute to erectile dysfunction and early or involuntary ejaculation.
Make sure that you’re eating a healthy diet and staying active. If you're sitting at your desk all day, go for a walk in your lunch break, and make sure you're getting enough fiber!
All of these small steps will not just improve your overall health, but it will help to stave off any illnesses that could impact your erections.