• The Lover Team

Body Positivity: Having Sex With Confidence

Updated: Dec 21, 2020

You don’t have to look far in today’s world to find images or representations that tell us how our body “should” look.

The fashion industry is famously bad, but we also find these messages seeping into advertisements and who’s represented on our TV screens. On top of that, we’re fed daily ideas on how we can lead healthier lifestyles, and lose those lockdown pounds.

Our culture has effectively trained us into thinking there is one way our body “should look”. And even if you feel you are unaffected by it, most of us are conscious of our culture's “ideals”. 

Body Image and Sex

Sadly, these messages have also infiltrated into sex, and how 'sexy' bodies should look. Porn being a big offender here. For women, it means having a skinny waist (but, of course, a big bum too). A hairless vulva… perfect breasts. And for men, it means having rock hard abs, no excess fat, and a huge hard penis which can last for hours. 

Of course, most of us are aware these are unrealistic expectations. But they can still negatively impact us when it comes to us getting naked in the bedroom. Because if we’re feeling insecure about our bodies, sexual desire is much harder to come by, let alone us actually experiencing sexual pleasure.

I don’t know many people who can orgasm when they’re worried about that fat roll on their stomach? 

But did you know, confidence is the biggest aphrodisiac? Yes. Confidence attracts others! And if we’re confident not only will we allow others to love us (pretty integral to good sex), but it also allows us to let go and be present in the sexual experience. We talk a lot about being present in sex on the Lover app because it’s SO important. 

And to be clear - this affects both men and women, even if it’s not something many people are talking about. 

But, the truth is we should be confident. Because in reality, we are all attracted to different shapes and sizes. 

So don’t expect to like everything about your body! Even the most successful supermodels will have that one thing they hate. The difference is, confident people choose to focus on the positives and not the negatives. 

Just think: how much does your body do for you? It allows you to get out of bed, go and visit your friends… eat - work. That's just a few. Everyday second your body does things for you.

Our advice is to stop stressing over it. You’re wasting your energy! Take the time to focus on the positives and find out all the great things about yourself. 

Learning to love your body is a key step in achieving the sexual pleasure you deserve. It will also leave you more confident in your relationships and the spaces you move in, be it work or in your day to day interactions. For more information on how you can get body confident: head over to the Lover app where we have a range of mindfulness techniques and activities designed to get you body confident.

Download the Lover app today to start your journey to sexual wellness. Whether you need help with body confidence, low desire, erectile dysfunction - even difficulty orgasming. We've got it all.


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