• The Lover Team

Being Present For Sexual Pleasure

Updated: Jun 12

When it comes to feeling distracted, or perhaps on auto-pilot - most of us are experts. We live our lives multi-tasking between homes, jobs, relationship goals and social lives. But while we're well aware this isn't good for our blood pressure and stress levels, you might not be aware of how much impact it could be having on your sexual pleasure.

The Importance of Being Present

It's no secret that great sex is all about feeling sexual pleasure in your body. But feeling pleasure, it might surprise you to learn, takes a little bit of focus sometimes.

And as our lives are becoming increasingly stressful, fragmented, or just downright busy - focus can become something that is harder and harder to achieve. Our brains can seem like they are on constant overdrive - even when we're trying to relax. Or have fun...

And like most things worth doing in life, sex is best enjoyed without distractions. Physical OR mental. It's really no different from eating a meal. When your mind is racing, you can get through three courses of gourmet food without really tasting it at all. But if you can quieten the mental chatter, that same food suddenly tastes a hundred times better.

Which is why one of the most important steps to experiencing greater sexual pleasure in bed, is simply learning how to focus your mind on what you're feeling, and not on what you're thinking. Because when you slow down and allow those physical sensations of pleasure to come to the surface, you can really transform your whole experience of sex.

How to Be More Present in Bed

Let's start with the easy part. Remember we're dealing with physical and mental distractions here. Physical distractions are within your complete control, so try to minimize them.

Make sure your work phone is turned off and ideally not in the same room. The same goes for your laptop, work clothes and even the smallest hint of work-related conversation. Remember, out of sight is out of mind. So try to eliminate and minimize anything that could distract you.

Of course, dialing down the mental distraction isn't quite so simple. So we'd recommend having both a long-term and a short-term strategy here.

The long-term strategy is all about building your ability to focus on sensation. You can do this through traditional meditation and mindfulness practices. Or you can simply build it into your daily life. Spend 30 seconds in the shower every day, focusing on the sensation of water against your skin. Or the sensation of brushing your teeth. Or feeling the wind on your face. You get the idea.

Over time, you'll find yourself more easily able to focus on what you're feeling in the bedroom.

TTP: Temperature, Texture & Pressure

But there are some short-term tricks you can use as well - which should make an immediate difference to your sex life. Whenever you find yourself getting distracted during sex, all you need to do is remember TTP. That stands for Temperature, Texture and Pressure.

Just picking one of these, and focusing your mind on the experience of that sensation, will give you a quick and easy way of dropping away from your racing thoughts - and back into the sensations of sex.

Of course, practice makes perfect. So we'd recommend trying this out during solo sex a few times first. After a few attempts, you'll start to find it working as a wonderful escape route from a busy mind during sex - and a shortcut towards a whole new world of pleasure!

We hope you enjoyed our quick guide to Being Present For Pleasure. For our detailed course - including video guidance from Dr. Britney Blair - be sure to download the Lover App today.

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