Penises are not known for their nuance, but there is more to them than popular culture says. This means that whether you call it a blowjob, going down, or anything else, oral sex with a penis can often be mechanical because of these assumptions. Pleasure in all forms is good when each action is intentional and sensual.
There are many ways you can be good at giving head. Exploration, tuning in to your partner, and enthusiasm, are just a few. Let’s jump into your one-stop guide on how to give a blow job.
How to Prepare for Oral Sex
Any type of oral sex will be more successful if everyone is mentally and physically relaxed. A safe environment, clean towels, and extra pillows for positioning are a good place to start. So are safer sex barriers and compatible lube and sex toys, particularly if you might have another type of sex afterward. For most sexual situations you want to ensure you are showered, hydrated, and fully aware of your and your partner’s sexually transmitted infection status.
How to give oral with a sensitive gag reflex?
Unlike porn videos, deep throating and having no gag reflex at all is hard to do. Remember, what you see in porn is being done by professional actors, and not everything that happens in porn is necessarily physically pleasurable.
There are some tricks for suppressing gag reflexes or working around them. But, don’t be ashamed if you gag while giving a blow job, just be careful not to bite down on your partner or go too deep which can cause you to accidentally vomit on your partner.
Throat numbing sprays can help make oral a bit more comfortable if your gag reflex is really worrying. Or, a free and easy way to trick your gag reflex is distracting your senses. An easy way to do this is to take your free hand and tuck your thumb into your fist and squeeze it. This pressure point can relieve your gag reflex slightly.
Remember to breathe through your nose in even breaths. Take breaks when you need to and remember, this is supposed to be fun and pleasurable. Do what works for you!
Explore the Erogenous Zones
Good oral sex involves the whole body, not just the genitals. It can be tempting to dive right for them but spend some time making out and warming up instead. Everyone experiences either responsive or spontaneous desire, or a mix of the two. That means that, regardless of gender, you and your partner can benefit from physical stimulation to increase interest in sex.
Don’t forget, to ask your partner things, like, “What are you in the mood for? Something more sensual? More rough?” Ask them if they like being touched somewhere specific while you go down on them. They may enjoy their balls or taint being touched in a specific way. Pressure on the taint can be really pleasurable while the shaft is being stroked as well.
Explore alternative arousal areas. What is it like to involve more of your partner’s body? Run your hands up their thighs or stroke their stomach. Lightly touch their nipples and chest. What touches, pressures or motions does your partner respond best to?
Get into Position
The receiving partner seated with the giving partner kneeling between their legs is a blow job classic for a reason. In that position, the receiving partner has the chance to relax and be present, as well as enjoy a visual component, while the giving partner can easily reach both their partner’s body and their own. Something soft under the giving partner’s knees can make the experience more enjoyable and help them to relax.
Performing Oral Sex
Speaking of soft, you can start your blow job at any point in the lifecycle of the erection. Pay attention to all of your partner’s arousal signs, not just their blood flow. A soft penis doesn’t mean your partner isn’t into you or what you’re doing together. Even though they’re not the default of how many of us think about penises, a soft penis can still experience pleasure — and it’s always a good idea to rewire your assumption that sex can only happen once it’s hard. If you’re going down on a soft penis, just be gentle.
Soft or hard, here's how to begin giving head:
Use your hands first. Tease the planes of their body, tracing veins and indentations. You might want to begin with a gentle and slow hand job. Get them aroused and acquainted with your touch.
Then, try long licks up the shaft, kissing using only your lips, or circling around the head with your tongue. The tip of your tongue is versatile and agile, it can press and flick different curves of the shaft. Some penises have a highly sensitive spot just below the tip of the penis where the shaft meets the head. It's called the frenulum. Find this spot and use some pressure from your tongue here.
Use your mouth on the testicles. Some people enjoy gentle sucking and tugging with your lips, while others find this much too intense. Take it slow until you and your partner learn their preferences.
You can also move down to the perineum between the testicles and anus. Gently massage it and see how your partner reacts. Verbally check in with your partner. Ask them, “Does this feel good?”. It’s okay to tease and to take breaks while you check in. Using a vibrator on the perineum can also be extremely pleasurable for your pal.
Using lubed hands on the lower part of the shaft can let you focus on the tip with your lips and tongue, and can help you control the depth of penetration.
Oral isn’t just about the person receiving oral sex, it’s also about the person giving it. Using one hand or a sex toy on yourself while you use your mouth and the other hand on your partner can heighten the experience for both of you.
Anal penetration is another option, and a toy or lubed finger(s) can be pleasurable for both of you. For every action, make sure you talk about it and get verbal enthusiastic consent from your partner.
For the full Lover blow job guide, download the Lover app, and check out Going Down On Him. (Ed note: We know that not everyone with a penis is a man and use other pronouns.)