• The Lover Team

How To Have Sex Without An Erection

Updated: 6 days ago

Are you someone who struggles with their erection or timing of orgasm? You're not alone. And while it may feel easier to give up and stick your head in the sand, at Lover, we don't think that's necessary.


In fact, we think learning how to have sex without an erection might just be the secret you need for a better sex life. And, at Lover, we think it can even be an erectile dysfunction cure.


Why? Refocusing our attention onto the many other ways you can experience pleasure makes us better, more well-rounded Lovers. Also, in learning to redirect our attention away from our bedroom anxiety, we can in turn reduce its effect on our sexual pleasure.

In fact, this is important information for any person. If you're partnered with a woman, most women need at least 20 minutes of direct clitoral stimulation to climax. But, studies have shown the average heterosexual sexual encounter lasts between 12-14 minutes. Something's not adding up!


On top of that, did you know that 86% of lesbian women report orgasming during sex, while just 65% of heterosexual women do? Maybe an erection isn't as important as you think!


In fact, it's very possible your partner enjoys foreplay just as much, if not more, than penetrative sex. 


So this is important stuff. 


On another note, if you’re one of the many people who has found themself a little bored in your sexual relationship (and by the way - this is TOTALLY normal). Refocusing your attention onto foreplay (or coreplay as we like to call it) might just be the switch up you need.  


What can you do about it? 


Take control in the bedroom!


This might sound intimidating but it’s actually pretty simple. Instead of allowing the excitement of sex to rush you ahead to penetrative sex, elongate foreplay.

Give time for your partner's arousal to build before moving onto oral or manual sex! You can aim to spend at least 15 minutes kissing and caressing them before going down on them. 


If your partner starts ushering you to move on, say something like "Nah ah, I’m not done with you yet".


They’ll no doubt find that super hot, and appreciate that you’re prioritizing their pleasure. 


And when you do move onto oral, try out a new style! There’s so much you can do with your tongue, from soft and flat licks, to harder faster licks and flicks. Just pay close attention to how your partner reacts, then keep going with what they’re enjoying. 


Don't forget, you’ve also got your palms for massaging, your fingertips for stroking, tapping and pinching. Your nails for scratching and your fingers for stimulating.


And, for those of you that struggle with erectile dysfunction, delayed ejaculation, even premature ejaculation, by taking penetration off the table, you’ll be removing that pressure to perform. And the pressure to perform is not helpful at all for our sexual performance. Let alone our sexual pleasure.  


We’re pretty confident this will be a welcomed change from your partner. So enjoy it!

To start your sexual wellness journey, download the Lover app today. We have specific courses designed to naturally improve your erection and orgasm confidence.


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