If you're interested in more adventurous sex, but not sure how to get started - we’re here to help.
As a Clinical Psychologist, Lover co-founder Dr. Britney Blair is often asked what it takes to ‘spice up’ an intimate relationship. And through working with thousands of couples, she has identified two common characteristics of those couples who manage to achieve it.
The first is a willingness and genuine curiosity for some sexual exploration. And the second is having the courage to lean into what makes you feel anxious. Because sexual exploration means moving outside of your comfort zone. Which can feel daunting to even the most confident of couples. But it is that ability to explore and to move into the unknown, that can do wonders for your sex life!
But, before we dive in, keep in mind that all sexy adventures should be safe, legal and consensual.
Start With Good Communication
If you want to bring passion back into a relationship and experience more adventurous sex, it’s absolutely imperative that you start by working on your sexual communication skills.
Because if you're going to venture outside of your comfort zones together and embrace the new and the novel - communicating before, during and after these sexual experiences is going to be of critical importance.
Remember that while novelty and nerves can be a healthy feeling when you're exploring your sexuality, keeping consent absolutely explicit is non-negotiable. This means that you need to be comfortable navigating a conversation about pushing your comfort zones, without coercing your partner into doing something they don't want to do.
And this goes for you too of course! So agree on some ground-rules upfront. If one of you isn't enjoying themselves, they have permission to say so using direct language. There is no room for vagueness when it comes to consent. Be direct and honest - and even better, set up a safe word, and use it. Ideally, this is a word that wouldn’t come up in the throes of sexual arousal, like ‘Chicago’ or ‘orange’.
Once you're both on the same page, the fun can begin. Remember, your exciting adventure can involve anything your mind can dream up. Stuck for inspiration? Here are a few sexy ideas.
Have you ever thought about role-playing with your partner? Did you know that a wig (yes a wig!) can be the best sex toy you’ll ever buy? Props can really help to spice things up - think about the sexual adventures that may turn on your sexual desire. Naughty nanny anyone!?
The great thing about roleplay is that it takes the pressure of us feeling like we have to instigate trying new things… you can just say it’s part of the scenario! For many people, being in character can make sharing their sexual fantasies a whole lot easier.
You can even make simple changes to your sex - like having sex in a different place of the house. Or if you want a more sensual experience, try an erotic massage. Some couples spice things up by having sex in public, or inviting a new partner or partners. You’re only limited by your imagination and sense of adventure (and the law, we should add!).
Look Outside Of The Relationship?
One of the most common fantasies is having sexual contact with a partner outside of your relationship. For most couples, this is a fantasy they prefer to live only in their heads - and that's fine! But for some, it’s a fantasy they want to bring to life.
If this is something that you and your partner want to enjoy, it’s important to discuss the risks and benefits. For many couples, they report excitement and a renewed passion in their intimate relationship after inviting someone new into their sex lives. But be aware that for others, exposure to another partner can lead to jealousy and friction.
If you think this might be an option, practice bringing up the conversation with your partner before you do. That way you can figure out the best way to communicate to your partner what you want.
The important thing is to go slow and think carefully before taking the plunge. Our advice is to never open your relationship up to try and fix things. Only do it when you're already in a good place, and looking to explore further.
For a full guide to opening up your relationship, we'd recommend checking out our Room For More activity on the premium version of the Lover app.