• The Lover Team

How Can I Get My Partner to Wear Stilettos? | Ask Dr. Blair

Updated: Mar 24


Q: "I have a major attraction to my wife wearing stilettos in bed. She isn’t against wearing them, but just not all the time. What can I do to get her to wear them more often for me?"


Dr. Blair's Answer


Lucky you! Not everyone has something specific they can identify to turn them on or get them off.


It sounds like your wife is game to wear the stilettos, but she just wants variety. Is there something she really enjoys that you could do more frequently? Maybe she enjoys oral or manual sex, or a certain sexual position? If she sees you are making an effort, she may remember those stilettos more often.


You may also consider positive comments when she does wear your favorites, like "It turns me on so much when you wear those," or "I love that you put those on tonight." This may cue her just how much you like it and she may be more likely to reach for them in the future.


Keep in mind, that while you're lucky to have found a sexy turn-on, maintain variety so you are not "dependent" on your specific turn-on in order to have a good time.


Finally, be careful about bringing in any criticism to the bedroom. If you want to have a more "serious" talk to request she wear her heels more frequently, consider having that conversation at the kitchen table, not in the bedroom. There is nothing sexy about criticism or nagging, unless you happen to be into that sort of thing!

Head over to to the Lover app today to ask Dr. Blair your questions on all things sex and relationships.

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