How To Masturbate | The dos and don'ts
Updated: Oct 27
When it comes to masturbation, you don’t tend to think about how you should be doing it… you kind of just do it!
And there’s nothing wrong with this. In fact, it makes sense really, because we’re no doubt using a method which we know works best for us… the same position, erotic material and technique...
But what happens if we told you masturbation can be much more than that. In fact, masturbation is often cited by sexual therapists as the best way to transform your sex life and overcome sexual dysfunction. It’s where most of us started learning about sex, so it makes sense to revisit it to learn more…
Photo by Dainis Graveris on SexualAlpha
How to improve masturbation
Take pleasure in the journey
There’s an exercise called the raisin eating exercise. Sounds strange, I know, but hear us out. The idea is that you eat the raisin a lot slower than you would usually. And, as you’re doing this - you’re meant to really focus in on the taste and texture of the raisin. The point of the exercise is to show just how good something can be if you slow down and really take the time to notice what’s in front of you. Of course, if you don’t like raisins you can try it with something else!
You can also use this technique the next time you masturbate. Try slowing down the whole process...a lot. You can aid this by focusing in on the breath, and paying attention to the sensations of temperature, touch and texture. By slowing it down, you’re going to greatly enhance your experience of masturbation, or at least find a new pleasurable sensation that you may have rushed past previously...
And the next time you have partnered sex, you can tap into these skills to enhance the sexual experience!
If you're interested in mindfulness during sex, check out our article 'Being Present To Pleasure'.
Familiarize yourself with your arousal scale
Next up - work out the stages your body goes through in the run-up to orgasm. On the Lover app, we like to recommend to our users they use something called the “arousal scale”. This is a tool to help you become accustomed to the signals their body gives you during sex...
For example, 0 is not aroused at all, and 10 is orgasm. The beginning stages are mental arousal, and then the end stages signify the high state of bodily arousal, ending in orgasm.
By keeping this scale in your mind, you’ll have greater control over your orgasms during partnered and solo sex. And, if you’re someone who struggles lasting in bed, this can also be used to bring you back from falling over the edge into orgasm.
Introduce something new!
Did you know, simply by introducing something new to sex, we can make it more exciting and even more pleasurable? So, if you think you’ve been using the same masturbation technique for a while, why not switch it up?
There are so many things to change. It might be the erotic material you’ve been using! If you watch the same porn each time, why not engage with some mental fantasy next time?… Or, if you find you always use the same grip and rhythm, change that too.
This is not just good for your own pleasure but it’ll also expand your sexual horizons! And when it comes to partnered sex, you’ll find it much easier to seek pleasure in a broader range of sexual experiences. Which is ultimately a win-win!
We've got some tips in this blog post to get you started.
Is there anything you should avoid during masturbation?
While masturbation mostly brings just positives - there are some things worth mentioning that are best avoided…
Be careful of the prone position
Firstly - the prone position is one method of masturbation that sexual therapists generally warn against. If you’re not sure what the prone position is - it’s when you use your whole body weight to rub your penis against a flat surface, like a mattress.
This is generally not advisable because it’s a masturbation technique that in no way resembles what you will experience in partnered sex. If it is repeated a lot, it starts to train the mind and body to expect that level and style of stimulation. Which, in turn, will make it much more difficult to reach orgasm and gain and maintain erections in partnered sex.
So we advise avoiding this position in masturbation. If you’re stuck for new ideas, why not get a toy, or play around with lube and stimulating areas other than your genitals… Once you start experimenting, you'll find there are plenty of other pleasurable stimulations which will get you reaching climax.
Watch out for the "death grip"
Second, if you find you use a really hard grip while masturbating, this can also have the same knock-on effect in partnered sex. Because a really firm grip is pretty hard to replicate if you're having vaginal sex. So, you may find you’re training yourself to find partnered sex less arousing… which is probably not what you want.
Again, switching up your masturbation style, and using a lighter grip will prevent this from becoming an issue.
Download the Lover app today to start your sexual journey. We have various courses and content tailored to your sexual needs, created by experts.
For more information on how lover can help you, check out our blog post: here.