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Many people fantasize about having a threesome with their partner, but when the moment arrives, they feel intimidated and just can’t go through with it. As long as everyone involved is consenting, enthusiastic, and committed to making it work, however, a threesome can be not only a fun and exhilarating experience, but also a wonderful way to strengthen your relationship with your partner in new and exciting ways. Use these secrets to help make your threesome the best it can be.
Why Have a Threesome?
Novelty is what keeps our relationships healthy. In Justin Lehmiller's Tell Me What You Want: The Science of Sexual Desire, research shows that threesomes are the top fantasy of American adults, but often the most difficult to navigate. This may have something to do with human nature, after all. Dr. Britney Blair says, "Monogamy is a choice…not our natural default. It is a valid and often less complicated choice than non-monogamy, but a choice nonetheless." Many people fantasize about sex with multiple partners and feel curious to explore group sex as a kink. Turning a fantasy into reality, however, requires thorough communication, consent, and emotional safety for everyone involved.
The Importance of Communication
Communication is arguably one of, if not the most important aspects of having a successful threesome. If you or your partner have expressed interest in embarking on a threesome adventure, talk about it first. Share your likes, dislikes, boundaries, and expectations. Starting on the same page can ensure a smooth experience for everyone. For couples and single people who are interested in threesomes, it’s important to think about and discuss beforehand what you want from such an experience. Everyone (including your third person!) should get together and talk about their boundaries, interests, fantasies and overall comfort level. The two main reasons that threesomes don’t work out is because everyone involved wasn’t on board before it happened or people weren’t communicating about it before, during, and after. If everyone has spoken openly with each other before things go down, odds are your threesome will be enjoyable for all parties involved.
Remember: You need each other's consent and support to enjoy yourselves and put no pressure on either partner. This should always remain lighthearted and safe. Finding someone compatible may take some work but setting parameters such as age range, gender preference, social proximity (Are they a good friend? A new friend? Are they single? etc.) will minimize potential confusion between all parties involved.
Safety First
Emotional safety is prioritized in thorough and honest communication. Now what about sexual safety? Don't skimp out on safer sex supplies. Talking about safer sex should happen before having it. Stock up on condoms, dental dams, lube, and anything else you'll need for a pleasurable and safe experience.
After Your Threesome
So you're lying sweaty in bed after your threesome. Now what? Practice aftercare by sharing a meal, taking a walk together, or agreeing to check in via text the next day. The key is to make sure that things end on a high note. Try to rush things without diving into a full debrief of what just happened: Don’t immediately discuss what you liked or didn’t like, what would make it better next time, or whether you should do it again. Give yourselves some time to process your feelings about what happened. If things are good between you and your partner after some time has passed, then it can be easier to have an open conversation about how you felt during and after having sex with someone else. Remind each other that you love each other and why, talk about your individual experiences (if you want), and think together about whether you want to try it again sometime in the future or find new ways to keep things hot. If something doesn’t feel right for either of you, that’s fine too; only engage in threesomes if both partners agree that they want to. That will help ensure that everyone is happy and comfortable throughout.
Download the Lover app today for more advice on spicing up your sex life, and exploring new territory with your partner.