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Your Guide to Non-Monogamy

Monogamy is often the "default" way that we do relationships. Having one exclusive partner can sometimes feel less complicated, more socially acceptable, safer, or more fulfilling.


While monogamy may feel like the norm for many, it's not really the default for human nature. Most people in relationships have fantasies about having sex with someone else, or have even fantasized about having threesomes or group sex.


Psychologist and researcher Justin Lehmiller's book, Tell Me What You Want: The Science of Sexual Desire, revealed that group sex was the most common fantasy for Americans.



In his study of over 4,000 participants, 89% reported fantasies about threesomes, 74% said they fantasize about orgies, and 61% fantasize about gangbangs.


Monogamy isn’t the only option for relationships, and having sex with multiple partners can also happen in healthy relationships with strong communication and clear boundaries. Monogamy may have been designed to fit our society and our culture, but this isn't a one-size-fits-all dynamic for our individual biology.


Within monogamous relationships, fantasizing about sex with someone outside of the relationship is also no cause for alarms: it's a part of being human.


Of course, it is equally important to acknowledge that we all have a choice about what to do with those feelings of attraction towards other people. For some of us, it is enough to understand that monogamy is naturally difficult. Then to continue with that commitment, perhaps even strengthened by our new perspective.



For many of us, the idea of our partner having sex or being intimate with someone else can bring up a lot of insecurity and hurt. Especially, if you're someone who believes you should only ever have sex with the person you are in a committed