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If you're working up the courage to walk into an adult store or you're feeling a little intimated by shopping online for sex toys, this article is for you. This guide will give you all the ins and outs of the most common sex toys and how to use them with a partner or by yourself.
Why Should I Use Sex Toys?
Sex toys can add fun, intriguing, and new pleasurable sensations to intimacy, alone and with a partner. Satisfying sex comes in many forms and is different for everyone. There is no shame in utilizing toys for pleasure because having pleasurable sex is the goal!
For people with vulvas, orgasming from penetrative sex alone can be a challenge, adding in different types of sex toys can make their experience more pleasurable, and reach spots that can be more challenging to stimulate manually. (We're talking about the clitoris)
Toys are also fantastic for adding novelty. What's novelty? Essentially, novelty means adding something new to your sex life.
Dr. Britney Blair, co-founder of the Lover app and a Clinical Psychologist specializing in sexual medicine says that,
“Familiarity + ease can sometimes equal routine sex."
We've often been taught that routines are good for us and that maintaining them is healthy, but that's not always true when it comes to our sex lives!
“Novelty + excitement, often equals great sex," says Dr. Blair.
Science has proven that consistently satisfying sex drives our desire to have more sex. Like eating a piece of chocolate and immediately wanting another one. It becomes irresistible. But the key is to add new and exciting things to your sex life here and there.
So why not try out a sex toy or two?
1. The Magic Wand
The Magic Wand is one of the most classic sex toys, both in shape and function. Some people call it the “Hitachi wand” since that was the first brand that produced this personal massager. Now, since its first distributors stopped making it, we call it the magic wand - and for good reason.
Find a setting you enjoy, we encourage experimentation, so test different combinations of vibrations, rhythms, and rumbles out. Then, apply it anywhere you would like! On your clit and surrounding tissues, or on your taint. It can also feel good gently run over nipples and on the anus. If you want to get your bang for your buck, it can serve as a muscle massager when you are sore!
For your first time using a wand massager during sex, we recommend doggy style. This will be the simplest way for you to comfortably hold the wand where you want it, or to have your partner hold it onto you! Sort of like a "reach around" but with a toy instead.
Some other sex positions to try are the L-shaped missionary, cowgirl, and many other configurations where you can easily hold a toy against your sensitive pleasure spot.
You might have the best clitoral orgasms from this by itself as well!
The only limitations are dependent on the model you buy. If it is a plugged-in toy, the cord length could hold you back. Make sure you buy one that's at least 6ft in cord length or have an extension cord at the ready. If it is battery-operated it may need to be recharged often, and the worst thing is having a dead toy when you are raring to go. Additionally, like most vibrators, there will be noise, hopefully of more than one kind.
2. The Classic Silicone Dildo
There are so many ways to use a dildo, but its versatility also depends on if it has a suction cup base or a handle-like bottom. Then some are just flat on the bottom. The suction cup kind and the flat kind can be fitted into many stiles of strap-ons.
Where to put it: anywhere wet and prepped. Using a silicone dildo for vaginal penetration is usually pleasurable because of the G-Spot.
For penetration elsewhere, such as anal penetration, there are many variations in shape and size, depending on the type of pleasure someone is seeking from this penetration. For example, if you have a prostate, you might want to use a toy that has a rounded end for P-spot stimulation. If you do not have a prostate, you might enjoy an anal dildo that begins very small at the top and widens towards the bottom. But, most classic dildos are not shaped this way.
3. The Bullet Vibrator
This tiny vibe is incredibly versatile. You can use it during partnered sex as a slow stimulus during foreplay. It can be used similarly to the magic wand, but it is only powered by a AA battery, so it is discrete and portable!
But don't be fooled by its size and strength, this bullet vibrator is strong enough in battery life and vibration power to help you reach orgasm.
The best part of bullet vibrators is their ability to fit in tight places. No, not that tight place, we mean accessories. Some toys are equipped with sheaths for the bullets, so you can add vibration to a dildo, a cock ring, a butt plug, etc. we will get to later these toys later.
Something to be mindful of while using a bullet vibrator unsheathed: DO NOT put it in the anus without a sheath with a flared base, it can get lost in body cavities.
4. A Butt Plug for Beginners
We've written about anal a few times, and the butt plug is an essential toy for trying anal for the first time.
Since our backdoor is like any muscle, it needs some warming up. So, lots of lube and preparation make the experience smoother and prepare you for the best kind of pleasure. That's why butt plugs of differing sizes are good to start out with when you want to try anal play alone or with a partner.
Pure Romance has a set that's easy to use and is designed to help you start trying this new thing. You can find it here.
A lesser-known toy, but an absolute pleasure to have in your toy box the cock ring is a fantastic multipurpose tool for penises. One of its abilities includes helping you stay harder longer by acting as a sort of tourniquet on the base of your penis. While it does this, it will also increase sensitivity in your genitals since your blood vessels will be expanded.
It should not hurt. If the cock ring is too small, you may experience discomfort, luckily you can buy cock rings in different sizes! Most cock rings come in a set of 3 sizes and they can be placed along your penis wherever you like!
If it isn't for you after all that, try putting it around your balls instead, you may find this sensation pleasurable as well. It should sit between the base of your penis and the beginning of your scrotum.
Additionally, if you buy a vibrating cock ring, the vibrations can add tons of pleasure for your partner, especially in a position where the cock ring touches their clitoris or anus.
Pure Romance has a cock ring equipped with a vibrating bullet which is perfectly equipped for this! Check it out here.
Will Sex Toys Harm My Sex Life?
Myth-busting time: Using sex toys will only improve your sex life! As stated before, novelty is a key ingredient for a fun and fulfilling sex life!
You might wonder if your clitoris will fall off if you use a vibrator. Let’s clear this myth up once and for all: there is NO risk of desensitization of genitalia for vulvas! Your clitoris and surrounding pleasure tissues will not lose their ability to enjoy pleasure if you use a vibrator.
We encourage everyone who has a vulva to try toys, especially since 87% of them require clitoral stimulation to reach orgasm.
For people with penises, if you are experiencing any issues orgasming, holding an erection, or experiencing some inconsistencies in bed, this could be attributed to harmful masturbation techniques. If you are experiencing issues, doctors recommend lowering your frequency of ejaculating from masturbation once every 48-72 hours. You can read more about this here.
A note on materials:
You may have heard the term “body-safe” applied to the type of plastic or silicone that a toy is made of. We highly recommend using toys that are certified as “body-safe”, meaning any non-toxic and non-porous materials.
To care for any toy, cleaning and using compatible lube is a must! You can clean toys with warm soapy water or a silicone-safe spray wash. Make sure you research the type of material your toy is and match it to a lube that will not break down its material or risk destroying your toy!
Want more expert advice and courses to improve your sex life? Check out the Lover App.
The Lover App is a therapeutic option that helps treat sexual dysfunctions in all genders, such as low desire, trouble reaching orgasm, ejaculation issues, erectile dysfunction, and much more!
Here's how it works:
You identify which area of your sex life to improve, using our evaluation tool
We create a personalized plan of exercises & expert advice to get you there in 8-12 weeks
You receive audio and video training from specialists at every step of your program
Give it a shot! Click this link and start your 3-day free trial now!