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How to Talk Dirty in 7 Easy Steps

Talking dirty during sex can feel exhilarating. If you often get swept away by the moment, you might forget to apply these fantastic skills. This guide will teach you the best ways to become a dirty talk expert.

At first, talking dirty might feel unnatural, but the more you practice the easier it will become. Don't be afraid to have fun with it and allow yourself some slip-ups in the moment! No judging, no embarrassment. It's all part of the fun.

1) Reflect on What You Find Sexy

This could mean several different things which concern your sexual fantasies. You could listen to a sexy playlist and picture what sexual scenario they are describing. You could visit memory lane, and think of things you want to do again. Or you could find some porn that turns you on. If you don't care for porn, you can also try using sexy scenes from romantic comedies, television shows, smutty romance novels, or audio erotica.

Next, incorporate these ideas into the conversation—you don’t need any special skills to do so! Just be yourself and let things flow naturally.

If you want to learn more about your sexual fantasies, find out what type of lover you are.

2) Avoid Excessive Detail

To introduce dirty talk to you and your partner, begin with sexy compliments. Start off with more generalized compliments to help avoid awkwardness.

For example, "I love your body," or "I love the noises you make." Avoid descriptions about your partner's body that may make them insecure. Like their cup size, girth, height, or weight. Try out simple adjectives like hot, smooth, tight, and sexy. Apply as needed.

3) Describe What's Happening During Sex

Focus on describing what you two are doing at the moment. Tell your partner exactly how their body feels against yours, describe all of your physical reactions (and theirs), and how much pleasure it gives you.

If you’re not sure where to start, try saying things like, "Your hands feel so good against my skin," or "Your [genital] feels amazing."

You might find it useful to discover what your erogenous zones are and how to stimulate them. This will be helpful to instruct your partner better and lead to a more satisfying experience.

4) Talk Directly to Your Partner

If you have trouble being direct with your partner, try formatting your dirty talk into questions or desires. Such as, "I want you to make me beg," or "I want you inside of me/I want to be inside of you."

If you find it weird to say these things, try imaging what it would be like if they said them to you. Would that turn you on? If so, be gentle instead of aggressive. Lean into their neck and whisper your "I want..." into their ear.

Here are some other phrases you can try: "I want to... use sex toys, try anal, do more foreplay," etc.

Remember, your desires are powerful and your partner wants to fulfill them, too. For more practice, check out this article on overcoming sexual shame.

5) Incorporate New Desires

In this step, you can draw on your newly discovered fantasies and your ability to communicate directly with your partner to begin building a dialogue. Remember that scene you read, saw, or heard about? Try asking your partner for it.

If some of your desires are new to your relationship you might want to do a bit of research. Try this article on anal. If you are curious about kink, researching the topics you find sexy might help you understand your own desire for it and how to make that fantasy into a reality.

6) Refrain from Judging

You might find your partner wants to join in on the fun as well. But what if they say something you are not into? Be kind, don't shoot them down immediately. Try to keep a "Yes, and..." mentality.

If you are not into what they said, try to switch gears and lead their fantasy in a different direction. If what they said really killed the mood, be honest but don't hurt their feelings. This goes both ways. If you say something your partner isn't into, circle back later after sex and talk about it. It may help to explain fantasies with each other at a different time to explore each other's desires further.

7) Practice Makes Perfect

The best way to improve talking dirty is by doing it. You don’t need any special skills, you just need practice. Over time, you’ll learn how to incorporate feedback from your partner and adjust your own style—after all, every person is different! It may take some false starts before you figure out what works for both of you, but give it time. Pretty soon your bedroom will be an entirely new place for self-expression and creativity. Dirty talk can light up your sex life in ways you didn't expect!


Want more tips to spice up your sex life? Download the Lover app and try out the Turn-Ons Game with your partner as the ultimate ice-breaker to explore fantasies. With hundreds of sexy scenarios to choose from, you'll be busy all night long!


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