• The Lover Team

How Can I Get My Partner to Initiate Sex? | Ask Dr. Blair

Q: "I'd like advice for getting a shy partner to initiate sex! It’s always me, and I’d like them to take control once in a while."

Dr. Blair's Answer

While many of the people I work with don't consider this the sexiest plan, I like to recommend setting a sexy schedule.

This starts with talking to your partner (outside of the bedroom) about how often they'd like to connect erotically, then setting up a schedule that will work for both of you.

Let your partner know that you would like them to take a more pro-active role. Make sure to share this request with them in a sexy and positive way, because being critical (or criticized) does not feel sexy!

Ask them to agree that you'll each take turns with initiating on the days you’ve planned to get sexy. If that time comes and either or both of you aren't feeling sexual, that’s totally fine.

The not-so-sexual partner will need to initiate the next time, preferably within 24 to 36 hours. This will prevent one of you from regularly feeling rejected and the other one from feeling perpetually chased for sex.


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