How To Get The Sex You Want

Question: Have you ever wanted something that just a bit, well... meh? 

I’m guessing not. We typically only crave things we enjoy or find pleasurable.

So, if you’re not having pleasurable sex on a regular basis, don't expect to want it! This may seem obvious, but it is oftentimes overlooked, especially for people who feel like they suffer from low desire.

On top of that - if you’re one of the many people who struggle with orgasm, not having pleasurable sex is a really obvious reason for orgasm difficulties. 

So we’d like to ask you, are you having good sex? And by good, we mean pleasurable. That doesn’t mean you reach orgasm every. single. time. It’s unrealistic to think we have to climax every time.

But is it a positive experience? 

Or are you craving something hotter and more exciting

If any of these resonate with you - this article is going to give you tips on how to prioritize your pleasure and get the sex YOU want. And this is a vital step for any healthy sex life. 

Because having less than pleasurable sex can leave us feeling pretty frustrated and sometimes even disconnected from a partner. None of which are conducive to our desire, pleasure and happiness! 

So, what's our advice?

Find Out What You Like!

To experience pleasure you've got to know what you like. If you’re waiting for a partner to miraculously do something mindblowing, you may be waiting a while.

Which is why on the Lover App we like to recommend to our users that they do some self-exploration. That could mean experimenting with touch all across your body, masturbating, or even some costume play! Whatever.

This way you can find out what turns you on. Or even find out what you don’t like! 

Masturbation is particularly important, as it can help us discover the many routes to orgasm. So, play around with different touches, speeds and even pressures... 

Which leads on the next step is...

Communicate It To Your Partner!

Once you're aware of what you like (or if you already know) you've got to let your partner know! Sadly our partners aren’t telepathic. Although that would solve a lot of issues.

This means you’ve got to muster up the courage to tell your partner exactly what you want. 

You can start off with non-verbal communication if that’s more comfortable! Guide your partner’s hand to the right spots, show them what speed you like… you could even just groan or arch your back when they do something right. Giving your partner positive feedback is so important for letting your partner know what they need to do more of.

Or - you can be more upfront and use verbal communication. You might tell them you love it when they use that stroke, or when they go at a certain speed.

Our advice here would be to always keep it positive in the bedroom. If you start heavily criticizing your partner about their style it will likely knock their confidence. And sex is already enough! So be encouraging here! You could start with ‘I love it when you do this…’. to put them in a positive mind frame!

Your partner will be so grateful for you sharing with them how they can pleasure you. Because, after all, a partner's pleasure is one of the greatest aphrodisiacs. So, if they’re confident you're enjoying it, it’ll definitely make their experience a whole lot better too. 

That said - if you’re simply not having as much sex as you’d like - let your partner know too! Tell them you love it when you have sex, and ask if they’d be up for having more of it!

Don’t panic if they don’t jump at the idea… each person has different sexual desire styles - so it might just take a bit of work on your side to find out what gets them going.

Visit our article here to find out more about desire styles: What's Your Desire Style?

Make Sex Exciting!  

For those of us in long-term relationships, keeping the passion and excitement alive can be difficult. So, how can we change that? I'm guessing there's something you've always wanted to try...?

Why not both write a list of the things you want to try in the bedroom.... then swap it and see where you overlap!

When it comes to sex there is so much out there, it’s just about accessing our erotic minds and being open to new things. Of course, as long as it is safe and consensual. 

So, there you have it. A few ways to get more pleasurable sex. Ultimately, sex is about pleasure, and if you’re finding it less than pleasurable we urge you to take it into your own hands and make a change!


If you’re in need of some more guidance, head over to the Lover app today. We have expert courses and activities created alongside sexual therapists - designed to improve your sexual wellbeing.