• The Lover Team

6 Communication Strategies To Get The Sex You Want

Updated: 6 days ago

Did you know communication improves sexual satisfaction and overall relationship happiness? And this correlation gets stronger the longer a couple is together*. 


So knowing how to communicate with a partner is important stuff. But, for most couples, sex is a difficult topic to navigate.


And this is so understandable, because who's helping us with this stuff? Each person is different, and oftentimes it's difficult to know how to go about talking about something so sensitive and personal.


We've got news for you. Communication doesn't have to be complicated. That's why we're going to share with you some tips on how you can do it confidently. The bonus is, it can not just revolutionize the sex you're having, but you may also see positive effects outside the bedroom too.


So, if you're someone who lies in bed wishing your partner would do something different, this is how you can get what you want.


TALK 

This isn’t the easiest option for everyone. In fact, upfront communication with your partner can feel pretty uncomfortable for many people. However, once you're able to crack it, it becomes second nature.


To get started, we always suggest that you keep things positive. Saying something like, ‘Hey I loved it when we did that in bed… that really got me going” is going to be a lot better than "Can you not do that next time". Making it into a compliment, like "You're so good at doing this... we should try doing more of it..." will give your partner the confidence to give it a go.


It's also usually much easier to do it outside of the bedroom - when you're not face-to-face. Maybe when you're on a walk or in the car. This way you'll feel more comfortable saying exactly how you feel, without the pressure of any intense eye-contact.


If you think it would be easier to do it in the moment - tell your partner when it feels good! Often, a simple groan can let your partner know what to keep going with!


If you haven’t done it before, it may feel uncomfortable at first, but it’s a really important step for improving the quality of sex you’re having. For the both of you! 


WRITE IT DOWN


Write down a list of all the things you want to try in the bedroom. Or even the things you love doing most. Get your partner to do one too, then exchange and see what you have both written. 


The great thing about this option is that you'll probably find out some new things you’d be up for trying. And if you’re struggling with a low sex drive, or you feel your sex has got a little boring - this is going to bring back that excitement you need. 


Once you’ve written it down, verbal communication after will come more naturally, as you’ll have something to guide your conversation. So, make sure you have a debrief session after you've shared your lists.


SEND IT


The great thing about phones and the internet is that it’s much easier for us to communicate without having to do it awkwardly, face to face.


If you stumble across an article suggesting loads of hot sex positions - send it to your partner!


Not only will this get their desire ticking over in anticipation of seeing you next… but it also lets your partner know what you’d be down for trying. 


GET WATCHING


Porn isn’t for everyone, we get that. But, there are a lot of benefits to it.


First, it’s a great way to find ideas on what you both might want to try.


Second, it’s great for getting that arousal and desire burning again. Bringing in a new stimulus to your sexual playtime will no doubt bring some excitement and novelty back into the bedroom. 


So, while you’re watching it, tell your partner what you think looks good. They’ll take note, and they’ll probably also share with you what they think looks sexy. 


Don't forget, you've also got the option of listening to some audio erotica too if that feels more comfortable.


SHOW YOUR PARTNER


At Lover, we like to recommend to our users that they masturbate in front of their partner. 


Hear us out! 


We understand that for most people that can feel pretty vulnerable or even embarrassing. But in reality, it’s a gift to our partners! 


Sexual pleasure is complex because each individual is different. But if you can show your partner how you like it, they’ll be able to better understand how to pleasure you. The touch, speed, pressure and areas that send you into erotic bliss.


On top of that, a partner’s arousal is the biggest aphrodisiac. So, although it may feel vulnerable at first, many couples find the act of masturbating in front of one another very connecting. And even enjoyable! Just be sure to pay as much attention back to your partner.

MAKE IT INTO GAME


Let’s end on a fun one. Why not disguise communication as a game? 


In the app, we recommend something called the ‘5 Minute Game’. Essentially, you take turns in picking something to try with your partner. Then you have 5 minutes to do it (no more). 


The rules: It’s got to be consensual and no judgment! If one of you feels uncomfortable with something, don’t worry, each person is different. Just pick something else and trust the process. 


This is a genius way of working out the things you both like and don’t like… so have a little debrief after you finish so you know what to do moving forward.

Enjoyed this article? Read our article here on Keeping Romance Alive During A Pandemic.


References:

https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/pdf/10.1177/0265407510386833


https://www.psychologytoday.com/intl/blog/fixing-families/201308/five-ways-communicate-about-sex?tr=HdrQuote

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