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Why Do Couples Stop Having Sex?

Maintaining the passion within a long-term relationship is difficult. Yes, you may be much closer emotionally. But it’s likely you’re not still in those early throes of passion when you couldn’t keep your hands off eachother. If you are, lucky you! 

The good news is, some scientists have just done a deep dive into the real reason couples end up in sexless relationships. And we’re going to share them with you. 

So, whether you just want a nosy on why other people aren’t having sex. Or you’re interested in sussing out why you’re having less sex, let’s take a look at them. 

The Study 

The study was run by The Academic Journal of Evolutionary Psychology, pulling together the answers of 1,099 people, with an average age of 35. 

Overall, the scientists identified a total of 78 reasons why people stop having sex, seems a lot, right? 

70% of the participants stated at least one of these factors had taken a toll on their sex life, and 41% blamed three or more reasons! 

Interestingly, the most popular reason was ‘fading enthusiasm’. Fading enthusiasm, or having a low sex drive is a pretty inevitable part of any long-term relationship. The good news is, there's a whole load of solutions to pick from. So if this resonates with you - head over to our article, here, which will tell you how to bring that spice back into your relationship. 

‘Lack of time and space' comes in at a close second, with 31% of couples reporting it as their main sex blocker. Interestingly, not having enough space from a partner is a common cause of low sex drive in men and women. After all, sometimes all it takes is a little distance to allow the heart to grow fonder.

‘Long work hours’ came in 3rd, with 30% of people blaming it as the reason they don’t have sex. We’ve got some advice for you here, schedule in time for sex! It sounds lame, but hear us out.

If you add it to your diary, you’ll be getting yourself excited at the prospect of a sexual rendezvous. And that’s a great thing for any person’s sexual desire.

You also don’t need to limit yourself to just having sex in the evenings when you’re tired after a day's work. Why not wake up a bit earlier and get it on then? Don’t feel constrained by the common idea that sex only happens at nighttime. 

Next, and perhaps unsurprisingly, is ‘bad sex’ at number 4, with 29% of couples citing it as the reason they don’t have sex.

Bad sex is a popular topic with us at Lover, because if you’re having bad sex, of course you won’t be wanting it OR doing it! The good thing is there are a hundred ways to make sex better; sex toys, trying new positions, even just telling your partner what you actually want!

The study also reported that older participants were much more likely to report ‘bad sex’ or ‘long working hours’ as their main reason. And maybe surprisingly, both men and women reported very similar results.

‘Lack of effort’ also came in as a top ten reason for having less sex, with 18% of couples citing it as a sex blocker. According to the study, men reported this reason at a higher rate than women. 

So, if this resonates with you, we've compiled a blog post with some tips on how to create a sexy date night at home, which you can find here.

Of course, as our lives get more hectic, kids and stressful jobs are thrown into the mix, making sex a priority is much harder. We get that.

But on the other hand, our sexual relationships are so important for our relationship health and happiness! In fact, 81% of people say that satisfactory sex is essential to the maintenance of a relationship.

Identifying what might be holding you back from engaging in sex is the first crucial step in stopping its effect. The great thing is, sex is also a great mood booster, and stress buster, so it’ll be worth it. 

Wanting to get more sexually active? We've got some more pointers here too!


Download the Lover app today for expert courses and guidance designed to treat sexual issues and improve your sexual wellness.


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